Dear Chihuahua,
I even loath your name. It is hard to pronounce at first glance and even tougher to spell with those silent ‘h’ letters–who came up with this? And how could such a label earn the most aggressive breed? You are microscopic and easy to swat. I’m surprised Taco Bell endorsed such a critter to market its food, as it totally put me off. However, if things change and Chihuahua burritos are on the menu, that may convert me from my typical plant-based taste. Then, there is the Chi–waa–bloody–waa owner who insists the leash laws do not apply to them—allowing free-range terrorists to dot the streets and abuse those within earshot with such incessant, piercing yapping.
One autumn morning, as the Florida sun rested from 89 to 88, I was trying out my new sneakers and pounding the one-mile loop in my neighborhood. However, the loop in my mind was ten times longer as I pondered the audacity of one client’s announcement of non-payment for all the extra work requested. It turns out that some folks are just entitled—perhaps a dear Chihuahua relative.
Yelp! An injection-like jab appeared out of nowhere. The back of my left ankle screamed, ‘look here.’ I never had a bee sting before then, but this felt like it could be one. My finish line came early, a temporary escape from visualizing throttling a client. Movement caught my eye as I looked down to mother my body part. A rodent-like creature, just about larger than my florescent pink New Balance footwear, snarled within kicking distance, then barked as if fueled by Duracell. And just to make sure I was adequately aware of a benevolent presence, it practiced jumping forward and backward while sporting a gnashing of teeth. As a dog owner myself, I know things can happen, and most of us take responsibility for our fur balls' actions. Even when faced with the evidence of unsolicited tiny puncture marks above my heel, this pompous pet parent closed his eyes and shook his head in complete defiance. Perhaps Chihuahua owners are simply under the influence of the mighty tiny thug.
My disdain just doubled that day towards this bulbous-eyed, four-pound bully-kind that acts like everyone’s against it. I think it might just be right.